Ulring 1
Ryan Ulring
Mrs. Belden
Honors English I
15 October 2014
(no
title yet)
As the last
pick was about to be announced my whole body tensed up, I could feel
sweat running down from my forehead all the way down to the
tips of my toes, and time
seemed to slow down. I had done so much to get here, would
it all be for nothing? I
closed my eyes and tried to calm myself down, I remembered
everything I had done just
to get to this very spot right now. I took a deep breath and
relaxed. “And for the final pick
of the 2015 NFL draft, the Indianapolis Colts select…”
I guess you
could say my football career started when I was a little boy. I lived in
downtown Detroit and I had no family members other than my
dad and my uncle who
stopped by our house on weekends or holidays or any other
special occasions like that.
My dad was very abusive, every time I didn't do something
perfect he’d be furious with
me. If each and every dish wasn't so spotless you could see
your reflection in it or if I
didn't make lunch exactly how he wanted it then he would
scream something like, “YOU
GOOD FOR NOTHING, ROTTEN, WORTHLESS, PIECE OF CRAP!” Then he
would
take out his whip and whip me as many times as he pleased,
shouting curse words at me
between every whip. I know I had it pretty bad but I’m not
going to complain, people did
have it worse then me and besides, I still had my uncle. My
uncle, unlike my dad, was a
very kind person. He was even nice to my dad when my dad was
cranky about
Ulring 2
something. But trust me, cranky is an understatement. One beautiful
dark and snowy
night on a freezing cold Christmas Eve it was just my uncle
and I, my dad always went
out to clubs at night. My uncle gave me a present for
Christmas and I wasn't used to this
because my dad never gave me presents for Christmas, I tore
away the wrapping and
underneath was a football. I had only seen a football on the
TV before, I ran up to my
uncle and hugged him. “You know,” he said, “if you practice hard
every day I’m sure
you could become a professional football player. You’d make
a fine wide receiver.” I
listened to him and I practice with that ball every single
day until I felt like I was going to
pass out. Then on weekends and holidays when my dad was gone
My uncle and I would
throw the football together for hours and hours until my dad
got back home. One day I
tripped and fell trying to catch a ball my uncle threw and I
scraped my knee and started
crying. My uncle offered me a hand and said, “are you just
going to give up or are you
going to keep on trying?” I know it was very cheesy but
those words meant a lot to me. I
grabbed his hand and got up.
A couple of years later my uncle
discovered he had lung cancer, the doctors told
us he only had a ten percent chance of living and surprisingly
my uncle reacted very
calmly to this news. He told me, “don’t you worry about me,
just go out there and do
what you do best and that's play football.” Since I was
given that football I had gotten
much better at catching the ball and, well, everything else
really. I was the starting wide
receiver for my high school’s varsity football team and our
team had won the state
tournament in Michigan. I already had scouts from colleges
around the country come see
me play and I had been given full scholarship offers from
several colleges. I made up my
Ulring 3
mind that I would be going to the Ohio State University and
the team already had my
locker and my jersey number and everything. It seemed my
dream, that had been given to
me by my uncle, was finally coming true. And that's when I
got the call.
It was
about three in the morning when the call came and when I woke up to the
sound of the phone ringing I knew exactly who it was and
why. It was the doctors telling
us that my uncle had passed away, who else would be calling
at three in the morning?
And sadly, I was right. I already knew what was coming but
when the doctor told me, I
dropped the phone in disbelief. He was dead, the only person
who ever truly cared for me
was dead. I started crying for what seemed like centuries. I
stopped practicing football for
months and then I remembered my uncle’s cheesy words, “are
you just going to give up
or are you going to keep on trying?” So I went outside and
started practicing again and a
few hours later my dad saw me practicing and screamed at me,
“YOU’RE NEVER
GOING TO BE GOOD AT ANYTHING! YOU CAN’T EVEN DO SIMPLE
HOUSEWORK SO WHY DON'T YOU JUST STOP TRYING!” He took my
football
and cut it open with a knife, making the football useless.
“There you go,” my dad said as
he handed me the football, “now go make me some dinner, I’m as
hungry as a pig.” As I
went into the kitchen I saw something, a slip of paper,
inside the football. I took it out
and it turned out to be my uncle’s will. The next day I went
to the police station and
showed them the will and one of the officers said, “it looks
like these are yours kid.” I
looked at what he was holding and it happened a pair of
football gloves with a signature
on the right glove. I looked at it and it read Jerry Rice. I
couldn’t believe it, my uncle had
gotten these gloves signed by the Jerry Rice, arguably the best football player that ever
Ulring 4
lived.
College
football went pretty smoothly, I started catching a lot better wearing those
gloves that my uncle had left me and our team played pretty
well, we were a top twenty
five team in all four of my seasons at Ohio State. After I
had an extremely good game
against Michigan, I was interviewed by some people and I was
able to tell them my story
about how I had an abusive father and he was arrested and
sent to jail for a long time, like
he deserved. I was starting to see that my uncle may have
been right, maybe I could
become a professional football player. And that’s how I
ended up here, waiting anxiously
to see if I would be picked in the NFL draft. “And for the
final pick of the 2015 NFL
draft, the Indianapolis Colts select,” the man paused for a
moment and said, “Todd
Massey, the wide receiver from Ohio State.” It was all worth
it.
Ryan,
ReplyDeleteI really enjoyed your story. I liked the way you incorporated football as the main point. What inspired you to make a story like this? Do you enjoy football as much as Todd does? I liked the way you made Todd deal with such a conflict like his father. One suggestion though, I think you should describe how Todd's uncle impacted his life. Other than that, your story is great!
Hi Ryan! I really liked how a lot of the story was a flashback. It gave me a really good idea of what was happened in Todd's life to make him such a determined kid. I liked the suspense at the beginning when you don't know if Todd will get picked by the Colts. I was wondering about that the whole story. One question I have for thing is, was the theme never give up? It was a little hard to tell! Another question I have is why was Todd's dad so abusive? One suggestion I have for this, is make sure you double check MLA format!! Other than that your story was really good and suspenseful!
ReplyDeleteRyan,
ReplyDeleteI was really surprised to find myself enjoying your story, I don't usually like sport stories. Though when you added the background story about how he grew up and the struggles he faced I gave me and inside view on why he loves football so much. If there was one think that I would suggest you change would be to add more about how abusive his father is. That was such a big factor in his life and I feel that if you were to add more about there relationship then it would just make the story seem even more realistic. In over all thought I really enjoyed your story.
-Ana S
Ryan, I wasn't expecting myself to enjoy your story because I don't really get sport stories but one thing I liked is that eveything is realistic. Everything that happened in your story could happen in real life. Another thing I liked was how it showed that even though things are tough you should keep moving which connects to a lot of people. Lastly I liked how the story was a flashback but was brought back for the resolution. One question is did the protagonist not feel anything when his dad went to jail? Also, what happened to the rest of his family? One thing I suggest is to make sure you don't have run on sentence.
ReplyDeleteRayan, I think your story was amazing and heartwarming. One thing I really like about it was the twist towards the end with his uncles will. Another thing that I also liked was the fact that Todd never gave up fighting toward his goal even when his Uncle died. Two questions I have for you is when did Todd's dad go in prison and what happened to his mom? One suggestion that I have for you is to try and describe the setting and characters a little bit more. For example you could describe Todd's yard as he is throwing the football with his Uncle. Overall I thought it was a great story that was heartwarming and very well written.
ReplyDeleteRyan,
ReplyDeleteI really liked your story very much! Which surprised me because, usually I hate sport stores. But, seemed to have hooked me in. I liked how you gave the protagonist Todd, a hard background with little hope to work towards his goal. This story reminded me a lot of the story I have just finished reading not too long ago called, The Boy Called, It By: David Pezler. it had child abuse in it to. Great story I have no suggestions
Ryan, bro, I thought your story was excellent, it was realistic enough, because many people do get abused by their parents all over the world, it happens all the time I see it on the news, etc. I liked this realism about your story. Also I don't know If you think this way, but I liked how in the story the protagonist thinks about how there are people who still have it worse than him, and he uses that to keep his spirits higher and tried to still live life, I liked this because I can relate, sometimes when I feel down I use that very thought "there are still people who have it worse than me", to get my self back up and be more thankful when I need it. I also liked how this story is inspiring, it shows how someone that might seem hopeless because of his or her current life, can actually improve and achieve greatness Just like the protagonist. What happened to the Todd's mom? And what was Todd thinking at the Time his dad went to prison? Did he not care at all or...? Also I suggest you changing the dad using a "whip" to beat Todd, and instead changing it to "a belt", because the fact hat his dad owned a whip and bought it to beat his son with seemed too cliché and in turn also seemed a bit funny to me, Just change it to a "a belt" it'll make it a bit more realistic and in turn also seem more serious than funny, other than that, GOOD JOB. ��
ReplyDelete