Thursday, October 9, 2014


Ulring 1

Ryan Ulring

Mrs. Belden

Honors English I

15 October 2014

(no title yet)

            As the last pick was about to be announced my whole body tensed up, I could feel   

sweat running down from my forehead all the way down to the tips of my toes, and time   

seemed to slow down. I had done so much to get here, would it all be for nothing? I

closed my eyes and tried to calm myself down, I remembered everything I had done just

to get to this very spot right now. I took a deep breath and relaxed. “And for the final pick

of the 2015 NFL draft, the Indianapolis Colts select…”

            I guess you could say my football career started when I was a little boy. I lived in

downtown Detroit and I had no family members other than my dad and my uncle who

stopped by our house on weekends or holidays or any other special occasions like that.

My dad was very abusive, every time I didn't do something perfect he’d be furious with

me. If each and every dish wasn't so spotless you could see your reflection in it or if I

didn't make lunch exactly how he wanted it then he would scream something like, “YOU

GOOD FOR NOTHING, ROTTEN, WORTHLESS, PIECE OF CRAP!” Then he would

take out his whip and whip me as many times as he pleased, shouting curse words at me

between every whip. I know I had it pretty bad but I’m not going to complain, people did

have it worse then me and besides, I still had my uncle. My uncle, unlike my dad, was a

very kind person. He was even nice to my dad when my dad was cranky about

Ulring 2

something. But trust me, cranky is an understatement. One beautiful dark and snowy

night on a freezing cold Christmas Eve it was just my uncle and I, my dad always went

out to clubs at night. My uncle gave me a present for Christmas and I wasn't used to this

because my dad never gave me presents for Christmas, I tore away the wrapping and

underneath was a football. I had only seen a football on the TV before, I ran up to my

uncle and hugged him. “You know,” he said, “if you practice hard every day I’m sure

you could become a professional football player. You’d make a fine wide receiver.” I

listened to him and I practice with that ball every single day until I felt like I was going to

pass out. Then on weekends and holidays when my dad was gone My uncle and I would

throw the football together for hours and hours until my dad got back home. One day I

tripped and fell trying to catch a ball my uncle threw and I scraped my knee and started

crying. My uncle offered me a hand and said, “are you just going to give up or are you

going to keep on trying?” I know it was very cheesy but those words meant a lot to me. I

grabbed his hand and got up.

A couple of years later my uncle discovered he had lung cancer, the doctors told

us he only had a ten percent chance of living and surprisingly my uncle reacted very

calmly to this news. He told me, “don’t you worry about me, just go out there and do

what you do best and that's play football.” Since I was given that football I had gotten

much better at catching the ball and, well, everything else really. I was the starting wide

receiver for my high school’s varsity football team and our team had won the state

tournament in Michigan. I already had scouts from colleges around the country come see

me play and I had been given full scholarship offers from several colleges. I made up my

Ulring 3

mind that I would be going to the Ohio State University and the team already had my

locker and my jersey number and everything. It seemed my dream, that had been given to

me by my uncle, was finally coming true. And that's when I got the call.

            It was about three in the morning when the call came and when I woke up to the

sound of the phone ringing I knew exactly who it was and why. It was the doctors telling

us that my uncle had passed away, who else would be calling at three in the morning?

And sadly, I was right. I already knew what was coming but when the doctor told me, I

dropped the phone in disbelief. He was dead, the only person who ever truly cared for me

was dead. I started crying for what seemed like centuries. I stopped practicing football for

months and then I remembered my uncle’s cheesy words, “are you just going to give up

or are you going to keep on trying?” So I went outside and started practicing again and a

few hours later my dad saw me practicing and screamed at me, “YOU’RE NEVER

GOING TO BE GOOD AT ANYTHING! YOU CAN’T EVEN DO SIMPLE

HOUSEWORK SO WHY DON'T YOU JUST STOP TRYING!” He took my football

and cut it open with a knife, making the football useless. “There you go,” my dad said as

he handed me the football, “now go make me some dinner, I’m as hungry as a pig.” As I

went into the kitchen I saw something, a slip of paper, inside the football. I took it out

and it turned out to be my uncle’s will. The next day I went to the police station and

showed them the will and one of the officers said, “it looks like these are yours kid.” I

looked at what he was holding and it happened a pair of football gloves with a signature

on the right glove. I looked at it and it read Jerry Rice. I couldn’t believe it, my uncle had

gotten these gloves signed by the Jerry Rice, arguably the best football player that ever

Ulring 4

lived.

            College football went pretty smoothly, I started catching a lot better wearing those

gloves that my uncle had left me and our team played pretty well, we were a top twenty

five team in all four of my seasons at Ohio State. After I had an extremely good game

against Michigan, I was interviewed by some people and I was able to tell them my story

about how I had an abusive father and he was arrested and sent to jail for a long time, like

he deserved. I was starting to see that my uncle may have been right, maybe I could

become a professional football player. And that’s how I ended up here, waiting anxiously

to see if I would be picked in the NFL draft. “And for the final pick of the 2015 NFL

draft, the Indianapolis Colts select,” the man paused for a moment and said, “Todd

Massey, the wide receiver from Ohio State.” It was all worth it.

7 comments:

  1. Ryan,
    I really enjoyed your story. I liked the way you incorporated football as the main point. What inspired you to make a story like this? Do you enjoy football as much as Todd does? I liked the way you made Todd deal with such a conflict like his father. One suggestion though, I think you should describe how Todd's uncle impacted his life. Other than that, your story is great!

    ReplyDelete
  2. Hi Ryan! I really liked how a lot of the story was a flashback. It gave me a really good idea of what was happened in Todd's life to make him such a determined kid. I liked the suspense at the beginning when you don't know if Todd will get picked by the Colts. I was wondering about that the whole story. One question I have for thing is, was the theme never give up? It was a little hard to tell! Another question I have is why was Todd's dad so abusive? One suggestion I have for this, is make sure you double check MLA format!! Other than that your story was really good and suspenseful!

    ReplyDelete
  3. Ryan,
    I was really surprised to find myself enjoying your story, I don't usually like sport stories. Though when you added the background story about how he grew up and the struggles he faced I gave me and inside view on why he loves football so much. If there was one think that I would suggest you change would be to add more about how abusive his father is. That was such a big factor in his life and I feel that if you were to add more about there relationship then it would just make the story seem even more realistic. In over all thought I really enjoyed your story.
    -Ana S

    ReplyDelete
  4. Ryan, I wasn't expecting myself to enjoy your story because I don't really get sport stories but one thing I liked is that eveything is realistic. Everything that happened in your story could happen in real life. Another thing I liked was how it showed that even though things are tough you should keep moving which connects to a lot of people. Lastly I liked how the story was a flashback but was brought back for the resolution. One question is did the protagonist not feel anything when his dad went to jail? Also, what happened to the rest of his family? One thing I suggest is to make sure you don't have run on sentence.

    ReplyDelete
  5. Rayan, I think your story was amazing and heartwarming. One thing I really like about it was the twist towards the end with his uncles will. Another thing that I also liked was the fact that Todd never gave up fighting toward his goal even when his Uncle died. Two questions I have for you is when did Todd's dad go in prison and what happened to his mom? One suggestion that I have for you is to try and describe the setting and characters a little bit more. For example you could describe Todd's yard as he is throwing the football with his Uncle. Overall I thought it was a great story that was heartwarming and very well written.

    ReplyDelete
  6. Ryan,
    I really liked your story very much! Which surprised me because, usually I hate sport stores. But, seemed to have hooked me in. I liked how you gave the protagonist Todd, a hard background with little hope to work towards his goal. This story reminded me a lot of the story I have just finished reading not too long ago called, The Boy Called, It By: David Pezler. it had child abuse in it to. Great story I have no suggestions

    ReplyDelete
  7. Ryan, bro, I thought your story was excellent, it was realistic enough, because many people do get abused by their parents all over the world, it happens all the time I see it on the news, etc. I liked this realism about your story. Also I don't know If you think this way, but I liked how in the story the protagonist thinks about how there are people who still have it worse than him, and he uses that to keep his spirits higher and tried to still live life, I liked this because I can relate, sometimes when I feel down I use that very thought "there are still people who have it worse than me", to get my self back up and be more thankful when I need it. I also liked how this story is inspiring, it shows how someone that might seem hopeless because of his or her current life, can actually improve and achieve greatness Just like the protagonist. What happened to the Todd's mom? And what was Todd thinking at the Time his dad went to prison? Did he not care at all or...? Also I suggest you changing the dad using a "whip" to beat Todd, and instead changing it to "a belt", because the fact hat his dad owned a whip and bought it to beat his son with seemed too cliché and in turn also seemed a bit funny to me, Just change it to a "a belt" it'll make it a bit more realistic and in turn also seem more serious than funny, other than that, GOOD JOB. ��

    ReplyDelete